Sunday, 24 June 2012

When bad things happen to really really good people.

I'm the really really good person - just to clarify.

So I had been good all week - floor shaking workout videos and healthy living all round (minus the hiccough with the Perinaise but I cleared my guilty conscience by telling you, so that doesn't count.) Then I headed to London for Harriet's birthday, I tried to keep a positive mental attitude. My mantra for the weekend was, 'CARBS ARE THE ENEMY, VODKA LIME AND SODA IS YOUR FRIEND'. But karma was not so good to me. Like I mentioned before it seems I am always fighting temptations, I am Jesus on day 6 of being in the desert. All Jesus wanted was some ice cold water, all I wanted was a Kettle chip. So of course, hostess Harriet comes trotting out with two huge great bowls of kettle chips. Waaaaahhhhh. I'm not going to lie...I died a little bit inside. Instead of caving I hit the homemade raspberry daiquriris...hard.

So I casually stuck my middle finger up to my first temptation - no kettle chips even entered my personal pace.However, the second was much MUCH worse.

It was cake.

I'm sure you know the famous phrase: 'I love you like a fat kid loves cake' - it's not really bullying because its 100% true. I love cake, you love cake too. Even Victoria Secret models eat cake. It happens to the best of us. Her pre cake picture is a little better than mine though, namely because mine is my mother's first sonogram and I'm pretty sure I didn't have wings. It was a downward spiral from then.

To further add insult to injury, it wasn't just any cake. It was an absolute masterpiece made by Hatti. What was even more astonishing is that such a tiny person could make such a BIG cake - a three layered black forrest gateau. Here have a look, see whether you would have been able to resist, because guess what folks....I DID!!
Wipe away your drool, both lots - Rosie drool and cake drool. Are you proud? I am, I am, I am. Saying no to cake for me is like saying no to free money - it is almost impossible.

However, Harriet then ruined all my hard temptation-beating work by making me go to a restaurant that had a set menu, of which the only think I could eat was risotto. I know, I slapped my wrists too. The other options were roast dinners or seafood linguine. Why not go for the linguine, you might say. As well as many other unfortunate traits (mainly from being Indian) I am also allergic to shellfish and in fact most kinds of fish; surprisingly though battered fish seems to take no effect....odd. If you have ever seen the film 'Hitch' that may give you some indication as to how I look after shellfish has been consumed. I may already have a rather round and chubby face but I promise you it gets A LOT worse.

I'm hoping by this point, you think : you know what it's OK that Billie had to eat that risotto because aside from being a fabulous friend by driving 4 hours to central London for one night, it's clear she really tried the rest of the weekend to resist temptation. I agree with all of you who think this, I mean hello gold star for me! BUT of course karma is a BITCH.

Payback for eating risotto:
My contact lens splitting in my eye 20 minutes into a 5 hours journey back home. 
Not only was the pain excruciating, my eye was leaking black stinging tears. (You know in Mulan, when Mulan throws the tea on the teacher woman right at the beginning and her make up slides down her face?...just saying). Being blind in one eye whilst trying to navigate your way through central London when all the tomtom says is 'Bear left...then keep right' is somewhat of a challenging task. (Yeah, you said in a tomtom voice).

For whoever really wanted to smite me down, I have learnt my lesson again - never let Harriet choose the set menu. Risotto we are no longer friends - you are not worth my sight or looking like a drowned overweight geisha. Neither of these traits are attractive.
Let's hope tomorrow brings better things for really really good people.

Fatty BB xxx

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