It was always going to be a 'fighting temptations' week - and I'm going to be perfectly honest with you - I didn't put up much of a fight. After all it is a HOLIDAY, and my rules for healthy living/ eating just weren't transferable across continent. Plus is was just too hot to not eat ice cream, like it would have been dangerous for my health if I didn't - combustion was on the cards at one point, so I had to cool my body down some how and the pool was at least 30 metres away at that point.
So we landed in Dubai, excitement didn't quite come close, I was giddy. So excited to be reunited with Jumeirah luxury and genuinely throw myself into the pool (hold back that little chortle, everyone loves a wave pool.) However, nothing runs smoothly on a Bhatia family holiday and nothing ever goes to plan. Last year I went to Dubai with Geeta, Annie and my aunty and 2 cousins - best. holiday. ever. Flight was a delight (minus the hands swelling as casual nosebleed - such a gracious flyer), zoomed through passport control and when we arrived at the hotel we were upgraded to an incredible 3 bed suite with a balcony that was the size of half a football pitch. It was actual perfection. This year did not as smoothly.
Passport control was the first disaster. We joined the queue of what happened to be the slowest moving man ever. I think there was a competition between the security to see who could take the longest to get through the people and piss as many of us off as possible. He was an arrogant twat, to put it mildly. One thing that you must note is that in his old age BBB (Big Bad Baz) absolutely has to have things his way and his tolerance level is none existant. His 'tuts' were getting louder and louder and he constantly eviled the security man at the front. By this point I was genuinely concerned we were going to get deported and I was going to have no tan at all. An hour later we finally got to the front of the queue, I had to stifle my tears that I was missing valuable tanning time plus the fact I was grouchy as I was yet to have breakfast. I quietly went through security and gave my best 'I'm lasering the shit out of you' eye squint. But it was Annie that took it to another level.
Now you have to remember despite Dubai being a playground for the rich, or simply the destination of choice for the Bhatia family year after year, it is also a very strict country - it does not condone such frivolous rubbish as '50 Shades of Grey'. So what does little old Annie do, trot up to the counter which she can barely see over and slams her copy of the book on it. I thought she was going to get shot. Luckily the arrogant idiot seemed perfectly illiterate. She then proceeded to mouth off to the ARMED GUARD - good one Annie, good one. Kicking and screaming we dragged her away otherwisde holiday was over before it had even started.
Despite the slowed down start I was still optimistic that this holiday was going to be epic. Silly Billie.
We got to the hotel and BBB tried to wheel and deal himself the same upgrade we had last year but it was not going to plan; by this point I just wanted to eat and get in pool, what's a girl got to go through to get a bloody tan!! (I am aware that this is novel for most Indians who actually attempt to stay fair - no idea why they do this. Tanning is by far my favourite past time.) It would seem that my fortune was about to change I could hear BBB closing the deal on one of the hotel villas, my ears pricked up when I heard '24 hour butler service', 'complimentary high tea' and 'happy hour cocktails'. SCORE. Just the news I needed.
So here is a picture of the villa...
I made that mistake.
Revelling in how gorgeous the villa was... it was all too quickly snatched from beneath my feet. BBB thoroughly enjoyed happy hour - perhaps a little too much. In his inebriated state he thought actually he was paying too much extra for the villa and decided he wanted to move back to the hotel.
I know, I gasped just as loud as you too, in fact I did a little more I may have got a little verbal. I'n not helping my bratty image.
Imagine how I felt. No more 24 hour butler (which meant no midnight twirl, or no more 8 cups of hot chocolate for Ashwin). It was a sad day. I only got one sleep in the glorious villa - thank god it was Annie on the shit bed - I got that beauty.
The following morning dragging our feet we slumped back to the hotel, I deserve a slap really, the hotel is amazing and I am very luck to have stayed there, but sometimes it is fun to play the brat.
The rest of the holiday I was very well behaved - that is until Part 2. Stay tuned kids.
Fatty BB xxx