Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Being A Good Indian Housewife

Geeta has asked that I write a post about her, she feels she has been eclipsed by BBB as of late (who isn't?!) and as such this is for you.

Being a good Indian housewife has never been high on my list of priorities or things to become. It fell somewhere between become an astronaut and the Three Peaks Challenge. Considering I failed my one physics module that I actually elected to do (mainly because it was called Stars and Planets and I thought we were going to learn about wasn't about aliens at all), and my sincere lack of excessive walking; being a good Indian housewife was both unrealistic and hugely undesirable.

Undoubtably this is what I have become.

Exhibit A: I did 3 loads of house washing (ie NOT MY OWN), didn't pull the cba card and shove in the dryer actually hung it outside because this little annoying voice in my head sounding like Geeta was saying 'it's lovely out it will dry in no time'. I followed this by doing the ironing (voluntarily) and went on to make dinner for the family. After all of this I hoovered and mopped multiple rooms without anyone telling me to. AND AFTER THAT...I went to work. Just call me the 'Bhatia matyr.'

Exhibit B: Exhibit A should be enough.

The reason for my sudden and certainly unexpected change comes back to Geeta again. 5 weeks ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Not going to lie...I did not take this well. I cry at John Lewis adverts, so you can imagine my response. There were a lot of tears and the occasional 'fuck you cancer' mixed in with more the frequent 'this is so unfair'.

As much as cancer is everywhere, on tv, on the radio, in other more distant family members you never, not once, think it will be in your home and that it will be your mum. Geeta being Geeta obviously wasn't even thinking about herself her main concern was telling us. Apparently I was the big dilemma as I can get overly emosh - such bull. I'm always so together.

So there it is, the big C bomb. Well cancer can go fuck itself. Geeta's words not my own (before you shout at me BBB for being uncouth.) Cancer seems to have made her into a rowdy little chavette much to my own amusement. Ordinarily her response to irksome things and irksome people would be to roll her eyes, give them one of her hugely obvious fake grins and say in the most insincere voice 'oh dear'. These days we skip the bullshit and her response is simply: 'oh fuck off'. I love it. BBB winces every time, whereas Annie, Ashwin and I beam with pride and high fives ourselves. Obviously Geeta doesn't high five, she cuffs.

After being told she has cancer, having a pretty horrendous operation and undergoing her first session of chemotherapy Geeta being the lad that she is thought it was appropriate to resume her role as good Indian housewife. In the reverse to R Kelly her mind was telling her yes but her body, her body was telling her no.

Step in substitute housewives: Annika-singh-rit-pal-kaur and Kiran-preet-jeet-deep-singh.

Now what I have started to notice is that household chores are actually quite the work out and since the last time I ran on the treadmill it started to smoke, I feel housework is the safer option.
Hoovering: thats like constantly walking.
Dusting: Beats the arm cycle.
Laundry: Ironing BBB's tent-like shirt - it's like kettle bells. I have found muscles under the flab. This was highlighted when I almost dropped a pint I was pouring because my arm was shaking so much.
Picking Up After People: Basically stand up crunches.

By the time I get to work, the only energy I have left I use to climb up onto my reigning bar stool and delegate all my jobs to other people whilst I sip on a coke. If im feeling particularly exuberant I go to hunt out Poppy and Caitlin upstairs and have a 5 (to 20 minute) Gossip Girl session.

All in all, life is hard (this post being particularly hard to write), cancer is a bitch and being a housewife at 23 is not ideal. But to have Geeta back to her best is more than worth it - just so long as she keeps up the vulgar swearing.


Fattinjeet BB xxx

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