Wednesday, 28 November 2012

I Work Out.

The gym is now fully complete with... 600 DVDs to choose from. Fantastic. I had been waiting for the final touches to be complete like a flat screen tv and all the DVDs to be put into alphabetical order. But mostly I was waiting for the blinds to go up so that the weirdos from next door can't see me run like a heifer on the treadmill and inevitably fall off. But I will begrudgingly have to wait for the blinds. (I don't know why but I constantly seem to trip on the conveyor belt - put it down to a manufacturing fault and less my ability to run in an ordinary fashion). But I will begrudgingly have to wait for the blinds, will just have to brave it!

But now the question is what DVD to watch whilst exercising?! Which would give the most motivation? I have narrowed the choices down as I want to make sure that the first session back in the gym is a happy one and not a disastrous occasion whereby I avoid all further attempts of exercise. The options are as follows:

- The Bourne Identity - lots of running could be inspirational. Perhaps pretend I was once a Treadstone operative gone rogue. I'm not convived this would make me run more though. Perhaps if I imagine I was running towards a topless Matt Damon I might be even more inspired.

- Mean Girls - because now Lindsay Lohan is such a wreck 3 months in the gym and I'm bound to look better than she did during her blonde anorexic I love Sam Ronson phase.

- Coyote Ugly - Learn some dance moves to embarrass myself with at the same time, and its basically an all Leanne Rimmes soundtrack that only Emily Walker would appreciate as much as me.

- Taken - Because if I get hot and skinny it could happen to me (I'm not wishing that it does) but I might need to know what to do in such a situation. Although the first time I watched Taken was with BBB a week before I went travelling across America and his response at the end of the film was not how easily I could potentially be abducted into the sex trade and that I should be careful or just not go at all. No, no, no. It was 'Well if that happens to you, I'm not coming to America. Liam Neeson runs faster  than me. But on reflection I think the chances of someone trying to abduct you are slim to none.' Thanks Baz.

- Hairspray- Because the fatty gets the hotty. This however may not lead to much inspiration in the workout field. And will also give me highly unrealistic hopes that Zac Efron will come knocking. Door bell just rang and no joke for a split second I just thought 'could it be?!' Don't be so stupid it was Granddad over for dinner.

- Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version obviously). My reasoning behind this was that because its a 6 part series it will encourage me to go back for the next 5 hours. I also countt myself as an Indian Elizabeth Bennett, well kind of more due the fact that she ends up with someone on £10,000 a year than her witty intellect.  Annie is clearly Jane - pretty and obedient. And Ashwin is Kitty - an outrageous flirt/embarrassment to the family. Which either leaves me with piano playing Mary or dear Lizzie and since I am highly outspoken for a good Indian girl, loose my temper far too often and have dark curly hair I thought it was the most fitting.

Decisions. Decisions.

So, that was yesterday and this is now today and the gym has well and try been conquered. It did take a while to muster the strength to get out of bed and cross the garden to get to the gym but after catching up on MIC and faffing for an hour I managed it. In the end I went with Coyote Ugly. It was an excellent choice. However I think I got a little too carried away...It got to the cowboy dance on the bar scene and I thought to myself 'hey, if I can master the pussycat dolls routine, surely this will be easy.' So I headed over to the matts and got myself prepped to go along with the girls, it was NOT a success. Despite my best efforts to be a cowgirl, my line dancing just doesn't cut it and it ended in overhearing the builder's raucous laughter from next door.

With a failed dance routine in check I headed back to the cross trainer, but I was without a defeatist attitude. I was determined if anything to look at good at Lucy in MIC when she was at the gym and so I stupidly attempted the Coyote hair-flick whilst going full pace on the cross trainer. The result was that my hair flick was so ferocious that I almost winded myself when the cross trainer handle came flying back into my chest. Safe to say I won't ever cut it as a coyote, fat or thin.

I think tomorrow we might try Taken, far fewer dance moves.

I leave you with this parting image, me attempting this routine...

Fatty BB xxx

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