Tuesday, 12 January 2016

I Think I'm Getting Old.

December is my kind of month, indulgent. The food, the drink, the sibling bickering, the innumerate amount of lols. It is socially acceptable to be drunk every night of the week, to go to every party, to eat your advent calendar for breakfast (kind of), have a cheese board for lunch, afternoon snack and dinner, watch Elf for the 1000th time and still shout 'SAANNNNTAAAAA' and best of all remain braless and in your pyjamas until it is dark again. Heaven.

But this December I wasn't up to my usual pace. The tequila shots were sparse rather than necessary, it was a bottle of wine and a blanket (and Scandal) as opposed to wild nights I don't remember in the morning - I mean I think there might have been a couple of those...but who really knows. And if I went out out I woke up in the morning feeling like I had run a marathon by way of the Justin Bieber dance to 'Sorry'. The hangover would last days as opposed to hours and the usual tonic of Tropicana and Panadol did not work wonders like they used to. The reason? I think I'm getting old.

If I wasn't sure whether I was overreacting (because I'm occasionally prone to that) I only had to remind myself of this year's Christmas present to remember my youth has gone. I know what you are thinking, a new Louis Vuitton? The Céline trainers I dropped SO many hints about - 'Baz look at the screen, remember these shoes, these are good shoes' ? The goose down pillows and White Company duvet topper that I asked for in a bid to be more 'grown up' but actually wanted to make Netflix just that bit more special.

No, no this year I got an electric toothbrush. I see how easy it is to get Braun and Céline confused.

And so I thought I would cheer myself up on Christmas day by scrolling through my facebook to see what goodies everyone else got. And you know what they got? They got ENGAGED. Because that's what happens when people get OLD.

I'm basically this woman:

You know what? 25 year old Billie did good. She got a real job, might have been a bit later than everyone else, but only by about 5 years. She got a 4 page spread in magazine that got picked up in 8 international issues of ELLE. She got really drunk at a lot of parties. She grinded on the entertainment at the Christmas party in front of the entire ELLE magazine. She talked about herself in the third person. But you know what she didn't do, get any fucking younger. (She says as she listens to Magic FM.)

You know what else tells you you're not getting any younger? Your whatsapp groups. The place previously known for all debauchery, with tales of 'I got so drunk last night I woke up in hotel in a different city' or 'You remember that guy I hated and said I would never see again? Well, I love him'. In 2016 we  have gone from juicy to juicing.

Even one on one chat has taken a turn...

And so 2016 began, the year I turn 26. The last year I can say I am in my mid twenties, time to sort my shit out. I mean it's kind of sorted into SS15 /AW16 but apparently no one really cares about that. This is NOT new year, new me I am not a basic bitch, but this is new year, new get-your-life-together-me. If all inspiration fails, I'll just think I don't want to feel like this at all of those bloody weddings...

Happy New Year Y'all.

Fatty BB xxx


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