Being at home on my own I get bored very, very easily so I am always on the look out for new inspiration in life, mainly because the last thing I want this blog to be is 'I had yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, water for lunch and air for dinner...totally vommed up the water - unnecessary calories.' Not my style. My latest inspiration has actually be around for a while now, I would say a good few years so its hardly 'latest' but I feel I need to give it a significant nod. That inspiration being: fashion. I love clothes. I love jewellery. I love shoes (even the ones I have no chance of walking in - I still appreciate them). I love bags. I love make-up. Fashion is art, and I want to live in it.
Lucky for me I have recently started an internship writing for a luxury online magazine called 'GC Prive' whereby I get to write about luxury goods - perfect. I have been able to write about so many things that I love from Tom Ford make-up to the Chanel pop-up boutique. It has been amazing but it is difficult in that I am not given a huge amount of direction, it really is a write whatever you want - so yesterday I wrote about macaroons namely Lanvin for Laduree. Writing all of these articles just makes me want to be in fashion and fashion journalism even more. One problem: I don't exactly look the part. It looks as though the macaroons definitely found me.
But with all this love I decided to go for the long shot and apply for work experience at Vogue. I am hardly your standard Vogue girl: I studied Classics and Law, I can't walk in heels unless they are 3inches or preferably lower and probably most importantly I am definitely not a size 6. Not even close. But what do I have to lose? If I don't try, I will never know. I'm being brave and putting myself out there, something I wasn't sure I was even able to do until I published this blog. In some strange way I think being bigger has almost acted as a shield, it has been the excuse for why I didn't do things and although shedding the pounds will allow me to do so much more (so many more shops to be hit) it is also unnerving as this is all I have ever known - fat. Instead of eating my emotions (typical fat girl chat) now I take my frustrations and anger out on the treadmill, but in honesty there is a still a part of me (a very small part) that is shit-scared that even if I do lose all this weight it might not make a difference. I think one of the reasons I had never really shifted the weight when I was younger was that I was never really bullied about my weight like some kids. I made friends easily and I was perpetually known as 'bubbly' - the new fat adjective that replaced 'jolly'. I guess I don't want to lose that, being thinner I still want to be the same person and I think I will be, just better dressed. This is all far too deep for this kind of blog...back to being Beyonce.
So last week I lost 5lbs and weigh in is tomorrow for this week, somehow I don't think we hit 5lbs this week. For starters on Friday I went to my favourite Chinese restaurant - why does everything have to be fried?! However I normally have to be rolled out of the restaurant (you know like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), go home and lie upside on the sofa, but this time was all about portion control. And since I didn't feel uncomfortably full I think I actually managed the impossible I stopped eating when I was full and not when all the food had gone from my plate. It gets better. Saturday night I made Nandos for the troops and stuffed peppers - I left half a pepper and half of the chicken on my plate (Oh yes you did read that right). Geeta was shocked too. Especially when I said to her that I was FULL. This means one thing and one thing only kids, my stomach is shrinking. HELL YEAH. With all this jubilation I definitely went and ruined it on Sunday night. Mayville catch up with half the bitches (and Johnny) meant that we went for a curry. Why is it the curry always gets me?! Being Indian is a curse. I definitely over ate. I have hit the gym hard since, chicken tikka masala clearly gives me really bad anxiety and guilt. I have really tried to run off the extra naan bread so lets hope the scale tip in my favour tomorrow (not that I ever look, I shut my eyes really tight and beg Lewis Hamilton not to tell me). However I was more than a little bit excited when he told me I was not 100% body fat, which I previously thought I had been. Win.
So this weeks conclusion and words of wisdom: My covering letter to Vogue is ready I just have to man up and send it, I'm hoping for at least 4lb reduction and I vow to be as bubbly as I ever was even when I'm thin and Victoria Secret come a knocking.
Move over Anna Wintour, I'm coming for you.
Fatty BB xxx