My Latest Love Affair

For those reading this that know me, you will know there is always a ‘love of my life’, for the most part this changes on a weekly basis; as Rupert Cox will vouch the love of my life changed once on an hourly basis. It’s fine, we became best friends – it would have been a disproportionate match anyway, I’m short and fat and is tall and (for most of the year) a lean machine . That being said my latest love affair in diet world is home made Nando’s. Now being Asian it seems it is my prerogative to love Nando’s. I challenge you to walk into a Nando’s and it not be 75% filled with Asians, what can I say – we love Portuguese inspired chicken.  So grilled Portuguese chicken in hand and a plate of salad I thought I was doing more than well. No. No, I wasn’t. There was one fatal flaw in my otherwise perfectly healthy meal…PERINAISE. If you haven’t tried it you haven’t had the real Nando’s experience. But take caution. 

We have a problem in our house – along with my title of ‘Carbohydrate Queen’ comes the title of ‘Condiment House’. No meal is complete without a dose of mayo, ketchup, salad cream, light mayo, horseradish sauce, lea & perrins, anything else you can think of….we’ve got it (even different sized Branston Pickle). So I trotted off to the supermarket and was suitably smug when I got to the checkout and my basket was made of vegetables, salad, marinade and a pot of perinaise (which clearly out of subconscious guilt I had hidden underneath the family sized bag of salad). I looked at all the other people on my checkout pulling ‘Chicago Town Pizza’ and haribo out of their basket and I judged them for it, I thought ‘FATTY!’ Obviously in their head they were thinking, ‘yeah about time get on those greens, love’. But this didn’t even cross my mind, no I was loving life as the superior shopper, shame I was only in Asda this would definitely have had more impact in Waitrose.

Happy with life I went home and found my new best friend (like all best friends, this one totally supports my new relationship with Nandos). Meet my Bessie: George Foreman. What a man. However when cleaning the GF with the possibility of electrocuting( as this one time…the plug fell in the sink) I choose to use the Griddle Pan (the more boring friend but the one that would ALWAYS be there). So mindless ramblings aside I did make Nando’s for the whole family on 2 separate occasions (and of course was congratulated on my supreme culinary skill, griddle pans can be surprisingly challenging) only to find the entire tub of Perinaise RINSED. Two sittings it took. Then I made the even more fatal error of not only eating the perinaise, but I checked the calorific content….It wasn’t good, not at all. It was really, really bad. Big mistake, big....huge. 

For all the skinny minnies out there eat it to your heart’s content. For everyone else SPARSE is key, I’m talking pipette drops. I’m already feeling the effects definitely gone from a size 8 to a size 10. Damn it. 

Fatty BB xxx